woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
