I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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