he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
How does one acquire holy water?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
