Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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