my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
