Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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