Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
