Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
