they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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