home. puking in laundry basket.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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