So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
