so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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