I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
