having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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