Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
