she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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