You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
