No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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