I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
