At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
