nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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