My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
