I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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