just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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