I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
