i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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