God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm like, not good at living.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
