i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
