piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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