I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
