Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
