I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
either way he was missing a nipple.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
false alarm, still single
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