and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
