So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
