so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
