I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
