You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
