is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
