Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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