Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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