He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
