ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
