Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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