He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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