I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
