Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
