What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
