I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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