soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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