I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize