How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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