Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
