she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
