Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
