he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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