Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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