I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
