i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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