Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
