Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
