it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
