i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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