He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
