If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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