It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
