Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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